Getting Over It

Many people don't know, but many people do know, that I was pretty horribly emotionally abused at my last job in the Jewish community. It was so bad, the workplace was so hostile, that I quit abruptly in the middle of the semester, only three months after beginning employment. I also vowed never to work in the Jewish community again - and then I accepted a position at a Jewish summer program, but (as my friend, HillelLady would say) whatevs.

Anyway, I spent the next two and a half months trying very hard to get over it. I have felt a lot of bitterness towards that organization, towards most organizations in the Jewish community. I tried to focus my energy into applying to graduate school, making a complete change of direction in my life. I took solace in the fact that my new chosen career path would allow me to never work in the Jewish community ever again, while still granting me the freedom to re-enter should I choose to be a little masochistic from time to time.

The Spring semester has started and I really think I'm over it. Well, as over it as I'll ever be. I will probably always harbor resentment towards the person who emotionally abused me; his smarminess will always piss me off to the very core of my being. However, I am trying to ignore him and continue on with my life. There are some things going on in the community that I would like to go to and I really don't want to refuse to go on principle.

It's really hard, though. I was at the student lounge the other day, studying for class, and one of the students I used to work with basically was grilling me on why I left my job. My boyfriend and I have speculated that there is probably a rumor going around that I left my job for grad school. This rumor really doesn't make sense, as I won't be going to grad school until next Fall anyway. Well, I told her that I had originally planned on staying at my former job for a few years before applying to grad school, but since it didn't work out I applied for next year. This is absolutely the truth. I am glad that I got to tell this to a student, especially one that I think will, um, spread the word, as it were. I didn't trash my former workplace or former coworkers/supervisors, I just said it didn't work out. It was hard. I think I have finally gotten to a place where I can say "my boss and I didn't get along professionally" without dying to gush it all out.

I am trying to ease back in to going to events. I will go to some events while I have my safety net of people I not only am willing to talk to but actually want to interact with. I don't want to go to an event where I'll be faced with people I haven't seen since I quit my job, and to be honest I'm afraid of that awkward moment and then having to move forward from that.

It isn't actually that important that I get involved in the community at this point, since I definitely won't be here next year, so I'm not trying super hard to get involved again. But I am trying to get over what I went through - and also get over myself.